Ridiculous Band Names: Honorable MentionsYou may by now have seen the list of the 25 worst band names in rock history on the CRACKED.com humor web page site. I wrote it. But not all the bands I wanted to put on the list made the cut, so I thought that I'd include bands 26-30, just to make a few people angrier about how the explanation for how the band got its name (which I pulled off Wikipedia) is wrong.
Phish
The story: The band's drummer's last name was Fishman, and somehow that ended up turning into Phish. According to singer Trey Anastasio, they made the F a Ph as a "marketing ploy." Assholes!
Why it's ridiculous: Intentionally misspelling a word is bad enough, but making an "f" into a "ph" is the absolute worst. It’s like an inside joke that no one’s actually in on. Doing something like replacing an "s" with a "z" is simply retarded, but replacing an "f" with a "ph" carries this whole winking, faux-intelligent veneer of unabashed wankery that pretty much exemplifies this band, which is basically one big wank itself. Phuck them.
Europe
The story: When a Swedish rock band called Force beat out 4,000 other bands in a talent contest, they were forced as a stipulation of the contest to change their name to Europe. No, seriously.
Why it's ridiculous: Without question or exception, it is a bad idea to name your band after a place. Chicago, Boston, Alabama, America; all horrible names for bands. But it takes a special brand of suck to name yourself after a whole continent. Asia is bad enough, but naming yourself after the continent that is more or less the birthplace of all Western thought takes a never-before-documented level of insane haughtiness. I have a feeling the whole continent winces when it hears “The Final Countdown.”
Pearl Jam
The story: Eddie Vedder and the rest of the band insist that they didn't name themselves after jizz, but, come on, it's jizz. Their old band was called “Mother Love Bone,” for Christ's sake.
Why it's ridiculous: Well, I'll give them this, they dodged a bullet by failing to name their band what they originally intended to name it, Mookie Blaylock. That band would of lasted all of one album, at most. But the world at large has become so used to hearing the name Pearl Jam that we have failed to realize that it's a totally ridiculous name for anything. Consider the pearl as a gem – possibly the least grungy of all gems – and then the connotation that the word “jam” usually engenders when in reference to rock bands – songs that last half an hour and never-ending guitar solos that consist of one note. With that in mind, Pearl Jam may be the most inaccurately named band ever.
HIM
The story: It's an abbreviation for the band's old name, "His Infernal Majesty," which could be a nickname for the lead singer or Satan. Stories vary. But they changed the name so it didn't look like they were associated with Satan.
Why it's ridiculous: Because it's like an intentional set-up for a horrible comedy routine.
COSTELLO: Hey, Abbott, who ya listenin' to?
ABBOTT: Oh, HIM. Have you heard of HIM?
COSTELLO: No, I haven't heard of him. What's his name?
ABBOTT: It's they. They are HIM.
COSTELLO: Who's HIM?
ABBOTT: No, The Who is The Who. They are HIM.
COSTELLO: He's who?
ABBOTT: They're HIM.
And so on.
Vanilla Fudge
The story: Originally called “The Electric Pigeons,” this psychedelic cover band decided later to name itself after its three members' favorite type of ice cream. “Electric Pigeon” could be a flavor of ice cream, too, I don't know.
Why it's ridiculous: Because it doesn't really say “band that does psychedelic covers of old R&B songs” if you name yourself after a food you would eat at your grandmother's house. It's like naming your hardcore band Green Beans or your gangsta rap group Pump-Kin Pye. Also, the name sounds vaguely like a reference to some kind of really horrifically disgusting sex act. I'll let you determine exactly what that sex act would be.
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