The MW Blog: Subjects: Spam! It's not just for breakfast anymore! and Ponder over this, please.

Allison wrote:

Are you a lonely, self-loathing internet humorist with a heart of gold?

Yes.

Seriously, I actually have a gold heart. I got one implanted when I misinterpreted some Neil Young lyrics a couple years ago. Needless to say, I've only got a few months left, at most.

Thanks for reminding me, Allison.

If so, I have a deal for YOU!

Is it for a new heart? Because if it is, I'd be really grateful. Seriously.

For the low, low cost of 349.99 a month, you can meet the hottest, dumbest, biggest breastedest girls in the WORRRRRRRLLLLD!

In that order?

All it takes is a valid credit card. We do not accept AmericanExpress. Because that card is for fags and sailors.

Sailors and homosexuals don't have credit cards. ...Do they? If they do, I've been gravely misinformed.

Anyway, no worries. My Precious Metals for Vital Organs Club membership comes with a complementary MasterCard.

ACT NOW!!!!!!

You know, with my limited time left on this earth, I've been thinking about auditioning. Maybe as an extra in a very special episode of "One Tree Hill" or something.

Oh, and I'll maybe get on the thing for the dumb, hot breast girls, too. Thanks.

_______________________________________________

Col. Jason Taylor wrote:

Dear Sir,

I prefer "sire."

I have managed to sneak out this email to you from my confinement here in one of our military bases in Germany.

How do you sneak out an e-mail? Do you type...quieter? Is it initially sent to a man with a leather pouch who delivers it on horseback in the rain to a server just across the border?

My name is Col. Jason Taylor of The US Army. I was based in Iraq until recently,I was sent back to Germany because of the Iraqi prisoner abuse scandal in which I was unfortunately implicated.

It's too bad you weren't fortunately implicated.

I am still under House Arrest,pending the outcome of investigation.

House arrest on an army base, which, more than likely, has a stockade. That makes sense.

During my sojourn in Iraq, I was able to successfully smuggle US$ 21.7m out of Iraq to a location in Europe. I reckoned that being a soldier I would not be in the best position to give a satisfactory account of how I came about such an amount of money.

"Sojourn?"

So you were a character in that movie "Three Kings?" Were you Ice Cube? You were Ice Cube, weren't you?

I could therefore not conclude the proccess of securing the money before I was apprehended as I was at a loss about into which account one could pay it and that is where your assistance comes in.

Let me guess: You want me to parachute into the base while riding on the back of a tiger shark, grab the money and shoot my way out before driving a fiery Jeep through the closing base gate.

I guessed it, didn't I?

I have resolved to share the total sum with you in the fairest ratio that we shall both agree on as settlement for your own part of the deal.

Well, if I'm going to be doing shark parachuting, I want to go at least 70/30.

Please,ponder over this and feed me back as I am in dire need of your assistance at this time.

"Feed you back?" Seriously?

Please, send me your private contact info. in order to facilitate an easier and more private correspondence between us.

You mean...like my e-mail address? The one you sent this message to?

I must assure you that this will not expose you to any risk as all the possible risk has been foreseen and taken care of.

Phew! That was a close one!

I must also remind you that transaction of this magnitude and nature is to be handled carefully in order for both of us to be well protected.

Don't worry, I'm keeping it quiet.

I shall send you more details as soon as I hear from you.

Yeah, just be patient, guy. I'm still securing the tiger shark.

I implore you to really consider this offer and feed me back.

Really, seriously. That's not an expression.

Also let me know how you wish to be settled for your role in the business.

I'm thinking more 80/20 now.

Please,reply to; jastaylor6@yahoo.com. I await your response with much optimism.

I'm glad you're keeping your spirits up in light of that whole being investigated for the Abu Ghraib abuses thing.

Thanks in advance,
Best Regards
Jason Taylor(Col.)

"Feed me back" and now two sign-offs? I'm not sure you know how language works, guy.

_______________________________________________

Are you an internet humorist in your own right who wants some free promotion? Or a fake military officer who wants to go 90/10 on some imaginary money with me? Send me an e-mail.

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