The first thing you see in the film after all the lead-up, seventies-style theater stuff announcing that these are "coming attractions" is quite possibly the most entertaining thing in the whole thing: the fake trailer for Robert Rodriguez's Machete. In a nutshell, the premise of the movie is that a Mexican federale gets hired by a U.S. government figure known only as The Well-Dressed Man to perform a hit. He gets double-crossed and seeks out revenge. As a part of the revenge he seduces the Well-Dressed Man's wife and daughter. He also rides up a ramp on a motorcycle with a gatling gun mounted to the front, which he then proceeds to fire at the bad guys below. It is amazing. Apparently, this will be a full 40-minute feature on the DVD. I can't wait for this fucking DVD. A.

Immediately following that trailer is what basically amounts to Robert Rodriguez's fake movie, Planet Terror, which basically amounts to a balls-out, kick-ass, gross-out zombie flick. It's pretty much non-stop action, only interrupted by half the backstory of a legendary gunslinger, the story of a sheriff who is trying to get his brother's barbecue recipie, and Quentin Tarantino's melting genitals. Okay, that last one was actually really off-putting even for me, and I've seen some Italian horror movies. Also, the ending is beyond silly to the point of being pretty dumb, but, hey, the movie still pretty much just kicks ass, managing to sort of bend the boundaries of the genre while still being a straight-up zombie movie. A girl gets a gun for a leg, for Christ's sake. Also, great use of a "Reel Missing" gag. B+.

After the first feature-length schlockfest comes a whole bunch of trailers, the first of which is Don't!, Edgar Wright's send-up of '50s-style haunted house flicks. It's pretty perfectly spot-on, from the voiceover to the goofy-looking special effects. Sure, it's just a grouping of genre tropes thrown together into something that could probably never actually be a movie, but it's still a lot of fun. A-.

The next trailer is nothing but one lengthy genre trope -- Eli Roth's Thanksgiving ends up looking less like an homage or a send-up than a genuine 1970s horror movie in the Halloween vein. The image of a decapitated turkey in a Thanksgiving parade is pretty hilarious though, I must say. B-.

On the flip side, Rob Zombie's Werewolf Women of the SS tries too hard to be ridiculous, naming off obscure actors and actresses, all of whom wear incredibly cheesy make-up. Nicolas Cage as Fu Manchu gets a laugh, but doesn't really go anywhere from there. It helps that the title and concept are hilarious, but the trailer itself kind of doesn't go too far past the novelty. C.

The second full-length feature, Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof, is not the movie it was billed to be. While, yes, it does feature its share of car chases, all of which are very fun to watch, the vast majority of the movie's running time is occupied with dialogue among two groups of female characters (credited as "the girls"). Not to say that the dialogue isn't interesting, because it is, but it does seem to be Tarantino simply saying, "look at me and the awesome dialogue I write." Once the movie does get to its big car chase scene, there's a notable turnaround in the direction of the movie, which, without giving anything away, seems to be nothing but QT trying to subvert the genre. My original thought was that these movies were supposed to be homage to Grindhouse action/horror rather than spinning the genre on its head. So it kind of seemed like a Tarantino ego trip than anything else. Still, the twist is pretty great and makes the last few minutes a hell of a lot of fun, but I still can't get the QT stink off. B.

Overall, I give the movie a B+. It's fun. Go see it.

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