There's actually a shocking number of these exact same e-mails in the Prankmail archives, because apparently somebody thought they were such brilliant gags that they decided to do 100 of them.

And, I'll admit, the general premise of getting an e-mail from yourself in the future is kind of clever, but how could you waste the conceit by putting in links to time travel information and using stale old jokes about New New New Jersey and Soylent Green?

I mean, wouldn't you be better off hinting at Doc getting like, terminal anus cancer or having his penis cut off in the new Eunuch Sheds? Give him something to be scared of, at least. Is the best you could come up with something having happened to the neighbor's dog? You could have at least insinuated that he like, fucked the dog or something.

Now, this is more like it.

I'm going to go ahead here and assume that the three x's in the sender's e-mail address are actually the letters g-o-d, since it's about "distorying" the receiver and the domain is heaven.com.

And really, if God was going to smite someone, wouldn't he warn them via e-mail first? I mean, he's a courteous God, even when he has to tell people they suck, and he wants to make sure that the person gets all their shit in order before they're smoten.

It does, appear, however, that God never really got a grasp on spelling, which is too bad. Keep working on it, Almighty.

You know, this is exactly the kind of thing people need to go to the trouble to say using the identity of someone else. I mean, it's one thing for your friend Jim to say you're a loser, but what if your friend Rick says it?

That's a real kick in the teeth.

Okay, so the bottom one was the test and the second one was the execution. How exactly did the writer, then, get that much dumber in the hour or so in the interim?

The first one just has a misuse of "you're," where as the second one looks like a cat walked over the keyboard and just randomly hit keys.

Maybe the person got hit in the cranium with a hammer at 6:00 p.m.? Or contracted mad cow disease? I'm thinking mad cow.

This one is just flawless in every way, I think we can all agree. I mean, it's as if Pamela Anderson was coming through the computer screen to talk with us (an entirely plausible premise) and tell us that she both wants and needs our stuff, which I'm assuming is like, you know, our stereo system and car and television.

The one problem I've sussed out is the fact that she describes neither a time or place at which one could bring her his stuff. Pamela definitely would have done that.

Okay, I actually like this one. It's mean, yes, but it's pretty beautifully mean. The only way it could be more beautifully mean is if "saw" was replaced with "had sex with."

How much do you want to bet that the guy who got this e-mail was way more affected by it than the guy who was told his wife wasn't dead?

Oh, and way to go, smallhalo, for giving away that you sent the e-mail at the bottom. Honestly, if you're not going to be committed to your uber-nerdy prank against your fat friend who only has Final Fantasy XI and Cheetos to get by on, you might as well just give up.

I genuinely hope this was sent to a ten-year-old. It would be even better if the fake (or real) sender was his mother. "Oh shit, I better grow up!" the kid would say, and that day, he's shooting up heroin.

A question, though. Since this was being sent to a hotmail.co.uk account, would calling the kid a fag equate to calling him a cigarette? Which, indeed, is no great compliment, but maybe wasn't what the sender was going for.

This is something I'm sure old Colin up there can be proud of. Hey, Prankmail can even get a new tagline out of this: "Prankmail.org: For When You Want to Send Particularly Controversial Racial Slurs Anonymously."

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If you have a website with a decent idea that idiots will undoubtedly misuse and mangle, of if you just have a comment or question, send me an e-mail, or, you know, send one from someone else's name. You could call me a fag!

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