The MW Blog: The Pitchfork Media Drinking Game

'Pitchfork!' Get it? They skewer bad music! Or something.

If all but one of the reviews of the day are of bands you've never heard of, take a drink. If you've heard of none of them, take two.

If the reviewer begins the review you're reading with a story that has essentially nothing to do with the record he or she is reviewing, take a drink.

If the review starts with a question about whether the band in question can ever acheive popular success or implies that they've abandoned their fan base by acheiving popular success, take a drink.

If the amount of time between the current album and the band's last album is mentioned within the first two paragraphs, take a drink.

If the entire review is framed as some grand historical study of significance on the same level as a formal research paper on the Cold War, take a drink.

Because if the music isn't good, we all die!

If a re-release of an album that would have gotten a 6 twenty years ago gets a 9 or higher, take a drink.

If the picture that goes along with the main interview on the site features a band standing around and looking vaguely uncomfortable, take a drink.

For every instance of the phrases "looms large," "return to form," "eponymous effort," and "crucial record," take a drink.

Whenever the reviewer seemingly goes against the grain and gives a mainstream pop album a good review, take a drink.

If the reviewer combines two separate words to make one word, take two drinks.

If one of the songs on the album is described as playing up a contrast or being "scathing," take a drink.

If the review ends with either: 1) a badly executed pun or joke, 2) a fancily rephrased cliche or 3) a really horribly forced metaphor, finish the bottle.

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