Subjects: This Watch is doozie and Website Placement
Darnell wrote:
I know the feeling, pal. I don't know how many times I've had to be at some big gathering of the world's movers and shakers (mostly vertigo patients) and had absolutely nothing classy and professional to wear at all. Usually, I've tended to end up going with one or the other, either wearing an etiquette teacher or a receptionist, once I've convinced them to cooperate.
But, I'm sorry, I've interrupted you. Go on.
Ah, so you've found the incredibly well-hidden MW Watch Retail section of the site that I never tell anyone about. I can understand your skepticism, but, honestly, what did you think about the watch made out of human skin? What about the one I molded out of my old toenail clippings and earwax? The one that's shaped like F. Murray Abraham's face?
No one will tell me, and business is terrible. That's what I get for completely hiding a retail operation, I guess. I should have never bought that book, "The All-Opposites Guide to Home Watchmaking." It's given me nothing but bad advice.
Oh, great! Which one did you buy? Was it the one I designed to slowly eat away at your wrist with a time-release acid? Or the one that has a sound chip inside that goes off whenever you walk past someone and shouts in a shrill voice, "Sex offender! Back away!"?
Both of those are quality items, I'll tell you. And cheap! A steal at $9,000. A month. For 90 months. Until 2012, when it becomes 190 months and we add on 44 percent interest.
That's why we call it MW's Bargain-wink Watches.
Damn. What was the problem? The fact that it only had one hand? The watchband designed for necks only? The overwhelming resemblance to a Timex whose face I had blackened with a magic marker? The sudden onset of leprosy?
Oh, what a relief. So they were okay with the leprosy, then?
Yes, because the only thing you need to seem classy and professional is a watch. That's why it's all I wear to all my meetings with the bigwigs. The watch says "classy," and my genitals say "genitals."
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jackie wrote:
I'm gonna start writing my e-mails like this. A subject in the subject line and then a secondary subject in the e-mail body. That way there's no confusion regarding what I'm writing about.
Just like this. Tthere's no way I could mistake what this e-mail is about, which is racing, or something.
You bet I do! Those guys are like, quintillionaires!
So what are we going to do, kill them and take over their companies? Or just shame them in front of their families and prove that we are the dominant males?
Whatever it is, I'm in.
Awesome. If there's one way to get on my good side, and I'd really like everyone to know this, it's to figure out a way to get me billions of dollars with very little effort on my part.
It's just one of my quirks, I guess.
Wait. You're losing me here.
How could you have thousands of clients who have all managed to get to the top of these companies? I mean, the only way I can imagine that this could happen is if their reigns as kings of Internetdom were very, very short.
You're sending me into a death trap here, jackie! That's it! I'm out!
Only if it's something clever, like something from Family Guy.
Can I just list the web addresses I'd rather you didn't check? Basically anything that has Poser art on it.
As for the best way to reach me, might I suggest carrier pigeon? This is because I spend most of my time in World War I bunkers.
Placement Specialists
I really didn't think it was all that sincere, "Placement Specialists," like that's your real name.
...Um...unless it is. In that case, sorry.
Oh no, I want to keep getting e-mails. Otherwise I'd actually have to communicate via carrier pigeon. Could I just not get e-mails from you anymore?
Thanks.
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Want to buy one of my high-quality watches? Want to help me take over Google? Just have a comment or question? E-mail me.
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