I love that they have to clarify in words what US$1,950,000.00 means, but make no effort to explain that incomprehensible serial number. Like I would obviously have no idea what my country's currency is or how many digits are in a million, but should have a working knowledge of the files to which cash is credited. "Oh, you said KPC/9080118308/02! I thought you said KPD/9080118308/02! Boy, is my face red!"

Take note, networks. This is a fall pilot just asking to be made next year as a part of the huge "Lost" rip-off market.

"Seven strangers, one of them a handsome and endearing comedy writer. They've been brought together by the mega office for one thing: big cash winnings. They must claim the money, but first they must decipher an incomprehensible series of numbers and letters that the office thought they would understand. They've got the luck, but do they have the will? THE LUCKYWINNERS. Thursdays at 8, only on the network desperate enough to pick it up first."

Well, that makes perfect sense. I live in the contiguous United States and you sent my money to South Africa. I'll just jaunt right over there and pick it up. Thanks, mega office!

But seriously, I can see where the confusion would come from, since I do style my hair in an Afro. Afro hairdo, Afro booklet representative. It just makes sense.

Okay then. Hold on just a sec.

(dialing)

AFRICAN AGENT: Um...yes, hello?
MW: Oh, hey, it's me, MW. Do you have that money for me?
AA: The snowman sometimes eats his own nose.
MW: What? What's that supposed to mean?
AA: The eagle flies southward; she will return for her young.
MW: Is this...am I supposed to know the responses to these?
AA: No, I'm just fucking with you. I don't have your money. It's a scam. Sorry. (click)

Actually pretty refreshing. You're a stand-up dude, African agent.

Seriously, this poor girl, in like a spangly dress, is just having to pull out from the tumbler something like 7 whole computers, with like, their mice and speakers and everything just hanging down, and she's struggling to get them up on the little display table where they line up to show all the lotto numbers.

I'm fucking busting a gut here.

Hmm. Um. Ooh.

Hey, everyone? Can you just forget you read this?

Please don't claim my imaginary money. Please.

"Also, be sure to tell him that the angry dog walks at midnight, and that you will self-destruct in 30 seconds."

So, what you're saying is that all the members and staff of the program have won, too? Now, that's a way to run a lottery. You sell the tickets, you collect the money, and then you declare yourself the winner.

You're some kind of capitalist genius, mega office.

Well, no shit you're a capitalist genius if you've got the reanimated corpse of Adam Smith working for you. "Wealth of Nations," indeed. Especially South Africa.

Well, I guess I better head over there. Be back in like, a year.

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If you'd like to give MW US$1,950,000.00 (One million nine hundred fifty thousand U.S. dollars), by all means, send me an e-mail.

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