Subject: Beck's "Tropicalia"/New Cover by Eliane Elias
"Hey?"
Do I know you? Look, I don't mean to be pedantic, but let me be pedantic for a second. Starting your e-mail that pitches a song by some woman I've never heard of as if I have with a greeting that makes it seem like you know me even though you don't is not the best way to get on my good side. At least use my name. A "Hey MW" lets me know that you have some idea who I am, which is important, because, as I've made clear, the only e-mail I want is from sycophants.
As such, other welcomed greetings include "Great and powerful MW," "Dear Mr. Sextacular" and "Howdy."
Thanks for bolding her name like that'll help me identify who she is any faster.
Also, way to completely marginalize everything else on her album by only mentioning the Beck cover. Are the songs she wrote that awful? Or is that just the only song on the record? Either way, it's excellent PR. Almost as good an idea as featuring a song called "Tropicalia" on an album called Around the City instead of something that makes sense.
So the song is a combination of roots, smoke, subtlety and sickness? Sounds enthralling.
(NOTE: MW has no snarky response to this sentence because he has fallen asleep. Apologies.)
But...can't you return a favor only if someone has done a favor for you first? Did Beck do her a favor? One of the Brazilian dudes? I just don't get this.
Actually, an album of her having sex with writers, producers and DJs would be kind of cool. And different, certainly. Okay, I'm sort of interested now. Touche, Natalie.
(NOTE: Asleep again. Apologies again.)
HahahahaHAHAHAahahahAHAHAHahahha!
It's like a three-headed monster of shit! Honestly, there could not be a shittier group of three artists to mention as an example. So not only does the production team have a retarded name (Let's call ourselves The Matrix! No one else would think of that!), they also only work with crap musicians.
All that interest I had concerning the idea of a whole album of hooking up is gone, let me tell you.
No.
At this point, you probably don't want to anymore anyway.
Click at your own risk, folks.
It's like everything in this e-mail was designed to make me fall asleep. In particular taking an up-tempo, fun song and making it as boring as you can possibly make it. I mean, is the plan to put me in some kind of dream state where this actually sounds decent? I dunno.
So I take it from this and the "Hey" that you really have no idea who I am, do you?
Natalie Duckoff
Music Marketing
Two Sheps That Pass...
If you had any real regard for me, you wouldn't have included that link. I'm gonna think about this song at work and pass out because of you, I just know it.
Actually I think I need to get in a nap right now just talking about it. Shit.
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