Snakes on a Plane
I'm so completely ambivalent about this movie that I almost can't describe it.
On the one hand, it was utterly amazing. Samuel L. Jackson whipped snakes and screamed a lot and said that one line about "these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin plane" that made everyone burst out into applause. On top of that, Kenan of the beloved "Kenan and Kel" comedy team of yore landed the airplane while cursing about his brother, Randy, which was just weird enough to be pretty great. Oh, and snakes bit both male and female private parts, which was something.
But look past those moments and what you've got is a slightly more gross version of a TV disaster movie of the week. Basically anything that wasn't Sam Jackson being a badass or snakes rampaging -- which is a surprisingly big percentage of the movie -- is excruciating to watch. In part because you know that a Sam Jackson or snake scene is coming, and you just want to get to that already. Take, for instance, the scene where the Asian gangster guy (who, by the way, never shows up again) beats up a dude. It's just very "America's Most Wanted" reenactment-like.
I don't blame the movie for trying to have and spend time on characters other than the snakes or Sam Jackson. I mean, it's convention. But if you've already defied the conventions of moving titling with "Snakes on a Plane," why not just go all the way with it? Come on, none of us care about that rapper guy and the girl with the yappy chihuaua. You know we don't. The only thing we care about seeing is Sam Jackson casually snatching his gun back from the rapper guy after he crazily takes it out of his holdster (one of the best little things in the whole movie). Seriously, it's the rapper guy's only decent moment in the movie, and it's just by association.
I guess I didn't mind Juliana Marguiles as the flight attendant who's getting ready to head off to be a lawyer or whatever, but I didn't really care about that character either.
Here's what I'm saying. Next time, guys, just forget the plot. We don't need it. In fact, we don't want it. There's really no need for the set up, honestly. Nobody cares why they're on the plane with the snakes. Just put the snakes on the plane with Sam Jackson and we'll be happy. It's sort of like porn. I don't give two shits about how the dude got there or why the girl's answering the door naked, that's irrelevant to me. They just need to do their business. That's the entertaining part. Likewise, Sam Jackson needs to use a stun gun on snakes. I accept that.
In the end, I think this will end up being a well-remembered movie, because it is definitely what was advertised and there are just too many things -- like an anaconda being sucked out of a hole in the side of a plane -- that are laugh-out-loud awesome to ignore. But it's also going to be one of those things that's only worthwhile in a big group of people in a silly mood.
You're not going to see this on TBS on a Saturday afternoon and say, "Oh yeah, what a great movie, I'll watch this." It's not "Office Space." This is the movie you've got to get a bunch of people together to watch on DVD so you can all hoot together and laugh when the pilot falls into a hole and make fun of the idiot surfer guy when he talks. You know, a recreation of the theater experience.
Which, mine was sort of weird. The audience was really into it near the beginning and at the end, but were really pretty quiet in the middle part. So I kind of got both sides of it. And as a movie on its own, this movie barely gets a D+. But as a party movie? Definite A.
BONUS REVIEW!: One-Sentence Reviews of the Trailers Before "Snakes on a Plane"
BROKEN LIZARD'S BEERFEST: Everything in this trailer looks like it should be funny, but isn't.
DEJA VU: Is it just me or has Denzel Washington been starring in the exact same movie over and over for the past five years?
TENACIOUS D IN THE PICK OF DESTINY: I love the D and it's nice to see Jack Black has gotten back up to weight like in his old Tenacious D HBO series days, but the joke at the end of this trailer makes me a little dubious.
BORAT: Oh God yes.
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