Subject: Re: WE HERE NOW DA SONGS IS HOT
colah james wrote:
"Theres a lot of buzz around my music, a lot of people think I'm already signed but I'm not signed, I haven't actually tried to get signed but I think I'm looking...so let's start the bidding war" -Colah James Listen On line: My Space page (WEBSITE ONE) For an HTML version of this press release click here:
WE HERE NOW. DA SONGZ IS HOT.
The industry sampler is here. This is the Rebirth of Gangsta Music.
This is Quality Music, Music you need to listen to.
Official Website: (WEBSITE TWO)
ADD MY RING TONE TO YOUR PHONE FOR FREE TEXT (A NUMBER) to (ANOTHER NUMBER)
TO MY FANS GET ME UP AT (YET ANOTHER NUMBER)
HIT ME UP AND FORWARD THIS MESSAGE
(A WEB ADDRESS -MW)
colah, I've been trying to stay up on thangs. I promise. It's just been busy, you know? I've had all this...well, shit to deal with. And it's really distracted me from the thangs. But I'll get back to the thangs soon, I promise.
But anyway, you're here now. So tell me, how are the songz coming along? What's that, you say? They're hot? I'm...I'm so happy for you.
Oh, you're gonna quote yourself now? Okay then. I think I'll quote myself too.
Okay, that's enough of that.
Actually, I thought this was spam until I took a second to look at the list of recipents to this e-mail and noticed that it just happened to be a bunch of people with relatively popular comedy sites. Which seems like a strange group to send this e-mail to, but then again, maybe colah here was hoping people would make fun of him and link his site, which I wasn't really aiming to do, but then I actually listened to one of his songs.
First of all, look at this guy.
I love the pointing at the camera, as if to say, "Dat's right! I'm holding a wine glass! Also, I'm from New York, Toronto, Atlanta and New York!"
And then there's the songs.
You kind of have to listen to them to believe it. Basically it's a guy doing a bad 50 Cent impression to a terrible beat, which isn't all that notable at first. But then you listen to the lyrics. It's literally like a drowning person grasping for rhymes in a sea full of monosyllabic words. Clearly, rapping for all these dudes is just one horrible lifelong struggle. Why they chose to actually do this as a profession, let alone one they promote through e-mailed press releases to comedy writers is both baffling and kind of awesomely ballsy.
I mean, rhyming "high" with "die?" That's painful. At least these guys carry on the storied tradition of rhyming the word "me" with "me." And the part where the guy announces that he's way off topic made me fall out of my fucking chair.
Really, you just... you need to listen to this. It's kind of like the songs 4-year-olds make up, in that the words are just total nonsense -- only strung together because they rhyme. On top of that, it's incredibly repetitive and it lasts for what seems like 20 minutes. The parts where the guy actually tries to sing are even better -- even if he's reading it off a page, it's so convincing that he's just making it up as he goes along, fitting different words into the same like, two bars of tune.
Oh, and one of the songs is called "Keys to My Dream." Hahahahahahahaha!
Also, I like how he asks all his fans to get him up, because from the sound of the songs, he's on the verge of falling asleep all the time. Like, constantly. Especially when he's recording.
colah, you're all right.
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