(OPEN CURTAIN.)

MW: It is I, MW! I am now introducing myself as a character! (Hold for applause.) And now with the blazing speed of the internet that I have mooched off this lowly coffee shop, I wilst now order cable service, with which I can further enlighten the vast denziens of the world concerning my preference in ice cream flavors!

MR. COMCAST: Indeed! I now tell you that I have scheduled an appointment for the dude to come and hook you up! And we'll totally call you half an hour before hand to let you know he's coming!

MW: Verily, 'tis awesome, even though your installation fees are retarded!

MR. COMCAST: Your service will excel!

(LIGHTS DIM. SPOTLIGHT ON MW, NOW AT WORK.)

MW: When, praytell, will Mr. Comcast provide my service so dear?

(A RINGING.)

MW: Hello?

MR. COMCAST: Yes, my good man, the technician is on his way! He will be there in 15 minutes!

MW: But, verily, you said 30.

MR. COMCAST: Oh, you know what? He's already come and gone now! You missed him! Now you get no cable at all! Good day to you, sir!

MW: But now updates to my blog of wonders will now be infrequent! Curse you, Comcast! Curse you to shit!

THE END

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