Capsule Reviews for Comics I bought on 5/3/06Ratings system, go!
Yeah! - A great comic all around. Definitely worth buying.
Heh. - Pretty entertaining. Give it a read if you have a chance.
Eh? - Confusing. I'm not really sure if it's bad or good, honestly.
Meh. - Not particularly exciting.
Bleh. - Terrible.
Infinite Crisis #7
Okay, I didn't actually buy this one, technically. I read it in the store. And really, I just couldn't bring myself to spend my money on it. Let's just disregard the fact that I was two years old when the first Crisis came out 20 years ago, and consider the writing in this issue. I'm certainly no writing genius, but I know that pretty much the first rule of storytelling 101 is "show, don't tell," or make sure that you actually portray important events happening than just kind of dumping it all out through dialogue or description. Well, that's exactly what this issue does. Hey, Superboy, why don't you just tell us about how you came back rather than making Geoff Johns have to go to the trouble to show us? Or Bart Allen, why not just tell us how you became the new Flash instead of having to muck everything up with storytelling? Better yet, Batman, why don't you just make pronouncements about how you've come to learn that relying on others is a good thing rather than showing it through well-written dialogue or characterization? Thanks, guys. That said, there were some cool fight moments, which would have been even cooler if I had known what the hell was going on. Rating: Bleh.
Civil War #1
Wow. I mean, really. I was not expecting that. Marvel has a terrible track record with this kind of stuff, and after the debacle that was House of M I was anticipating that this would be no different. Boy, was I wrong. Maybe it's because Millar's writing this one instead of Bendis, but this rocked my proverbial socks. Never before have I been this impressed with an event comic, and it may be because of just one sequence, in which Captain America stares down pretty much all of SHIELD, beats up about 40 armed soldiers, jumps out of a window onto a fighter jet and makes the pilot fly him to safety. When the pilot screams "Jeezus!", Cap tells him to "watch the potty mouth, son." I don't care if he's advocating eating puppies, I'm on that dude's side. Rating: Yeah!
The Punisher #33
Here's a quick plot rundown of this issue: A businessman bones his boss's wife and worries about it. Meanwhile, the Punisher fights a guy named Barracuda, stabs his eye out and cuts his fingers off. Then Barracuda tries to feed him to a shark. That's it. As far as I can tell, the threads are in no way related. Also, bad art really hurts here -- Frank Castle's constant squinting and boy-band hair just look silly. That said, I do want to reiterate that he stabbed a guy's eye out and cut off his fingers. Rating: Heh.
Hard Time Season Two #6
Hey, DC Comics, here's an idea for you. Now, stick with me here. You cancel a relatively low-selling, but excellent and critically acclaimed title right in the middle of its run so that it has to rush through major plot points. That way, it is forced to come to some sort of satisfactory conclusion by its premature last issue. You follow? Okay, now, here's where it gets crazy. Somehow, the title remains extremely good. That's the key to really angering the people who actually enjoy it. Okay, you got everything? Let's do it! Rating: Yeah!
Y: The Last Man #45
Oh, Brian K. Vaughan, how you tease. Let me count the ways. Showing us again that Yorick's mother has been killed with no further explanation? Check. Implying that Yorick and Agent 355 are both hiding something, but only cryptically having them discuss it? Check. Implying that Dr. Mann apparently changed her name for some reason? Check. Making us wonder if the Yakuza chick is really on Yorick's side or not? Check. Surprise ninja? Check. In all, this issue was actually kind of frustrating, but Brian, you know that's why I love you. Rating: Heh.
Ultimate Spider-Man #94
Alright! It's about time I saw a total cop-out explanation for a cliffhanger ending! Yes! Oh, and the total removal of everything I liked about a regular Marvel universe character in his Ultimate version! Whoo! Honestly, the Ultimate Deadpool is just a terrible, terrible character. Instead of a smartass who hates the elderly, this guy's just a thug with a messed-up face and who can make himself look like Professor X. Whatever. The last two or three pages actually almost make up for everything here, because I do actually like the Kitty Pryde/Peter relationship, and the idea of Aunt May getting busy with the Jackal, but it was too little, too late. Rating: Meh.
Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #8
Blaagh! Glearrgh! Huc--huaaagh! Okay, now that I'm finished with that, let me make some non-vomit comments about this comic. Let me see if I understand this. So, if Aunt May dies instead of Uncle Ben...Peter becomes a dick? All the lessons about power and responsibility would have only sunk in if Uncle Ben died? And somehow the Uncle Ben from this C-grade What If? story has appeared in the real Marvel Universe because of a Hobgoblin from the future? Who says shit like "Time is always on my side, what with my being the Hobgoblin...of the year 2211!" Glllaaalgah! I can't stop vomiting! Even Mike Wieringo can't save this. Rating: Bleh.
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