Answers to Questions Posed in Spam Subject Lines
Caroline wrote:
Nope.
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Mrs Patrick wrote:
Are...are you serious with this? Honestly, Mrs Patrick, I've been giving you more credit than I should have, I think. That shit's offensive.
Do I come to where you live and start asking you questions about whether your children hate you or if your breasts are wrinkly? I mean, come on, you didn't even use the less derogatory term "bags" instead of sags, and I'm getting the impression here that you're only doing any of this to make me feel bad.
Why would you do this to me Mrs Patrick? Why would you go so far in trying to kill all the good feelings I ever had about myself? Can't I just live my life? Can't I just go about my business, cautiously ignoring the sags under my eyes? Must my whole life be nothing but a never-ending sojourn into unattractive obsolescence?
Anyway, to answer your question, yes.
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Johnathan Stewart wrote:
Well, Johnathan, I like to think I am. I've been reading more and I'm trying to eat less fast food, drink more water, you know, that kind of stuff. I don't work out like I should, but I try to do some cardio --
Wait a minute.
You're talking about penises here, aren't you? Damn it all, Johnathan, I told you to stop sending me e-mail about other guys' penises! I told you -- I'm not interested.
And I'll tell you right now, if you send me another one of these e-mails about penises -- can we make it Wednesday, maybe? -- I'm going to be forced to act angry all over again as I secretly enjoy them -- uh -- that is, I mean to say, hate them and not read them at all.
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You choose wrote:
Does either of them come with some sort of a device that dispenses ice cream sandwiches? If so, that one. Actually, scratch that. Just send me some ice cream sandwiches.
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Chose One wrote:
Ah yes, finally a message from the Chose One. The only one who were select to have saven the universe before it had been too later.
Anyway, I've had my eye on Sears since it took down Bloomingdale's in the Throwdown in Motown back in '64. In those days, Sears had a serious left hook that could take down just about anybody in three rounds or less. But Sears has lost a step ever since he lost that fight to Costco back in '86, and Target is a promising young fighter who put up a strong showing against JC Penney last fall, so it could be anyone's fight there.
I wouldn't put my money on KMart, though -- I asked a guy there about a garden hose and he just stood there and looked at me. How could you not know what that is? It's a fucking garden hose.
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Satellite TV Center wrote:
You bet I do, pal. Check out these credentials.
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ScratchCards wrote:
Holy shit! I didn't! I can't believe I forgot all about it! I better go grab it! I'll just scratch this off here...
Um...I...I'd better go.
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Got a question to ask MW? Is there some chance you can help him get his family back from the evil supervillain, ScratchCards? Then send on an e-mail, because, seriously, I could use the help.
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