The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Movie)
I actually don't have much to say about this movie. It was relatively enjoyable -- the acting was good and there were quite a few laugh moments. It sort of alienates both fans of the books and those that haven't read it, i.e. it takes some book things, like the necessity of towels, out of context and doesn't bother to explain them. The movie is a little to episodic and nothing seems terribly cohesive plot-wise. Nonetheless, they did manage to stick a decent amount of Adams-esque humor in and succeeded in providing some very nice laugh moments. So, overall, C+.
What I actually am posting this to talk about, though, is the other people in the theater on the particular night I went to see the film. Specifically, the groups of people that sat directly behind me and directly in front of me, which I have collectively dubbed "Autism Local 178."
First and most rage-inducingly, I'll discuss the group at my back, which consisted of one dude and something like six girls who I can only imagine were handcuffed to the dude or had been kidnapped or in some other manner had been forcibly coerced into spending time with this guy. If these girls were with this man voluntarily, then I have little hope left for the opposite sex or, frankly, the state of all humanity.
These people's first offense came as soon as they walked into the theater, about ten seconds into a trailer for the animated film Madagascar, a suitably inoffensive, but similarly generic and wholly unfunny affair with a haphazardly thrown together celebrity voice cast. In all seriousness, they laughed at everything in the trailer. Every sentence. On top of that, they were audibly excited at every mention of a celebrity name as if to say, "A celebrity!?! In a motion picture!?!?!?! What a wonderful breakthrough in my own personal life!" Incredibly, they were most enthused at the mention of the name "David Schwimmer." After the trailer ended, the dude said (I'll try to represent his voice as best I can with text),"I'M TOTALLY GONNA SEE THAT!" This statement, though much louder, was not entirely unlike my and my friends' own pronouncements of "That looks really good" after a trailer for a horrible-looking movie. Perhaps what I was dealing with here was a true comic genius.
A few minutes later, during the trailer for the remake of Herbie the Love Bug, yet another abomination to film, the guy pronounced after laughing much too hard at a shot of Matt Dillon getting hit in the face with a car hood, "COME SEE MATT DILLON STOP TAKING HIMSELF SO SERIOUSLY!" Everyone around him laughed hysterically, as if this were some biting social commentary. Clearly, no one there actually knew who Matt Dillon was. As far as I can tell, the guy's been in Wild Things and There's Something About Mary and actually been pretty silly in things. I mean, I'm not sticking up for Matt Dillon and I don't really care about those movies, but still, it was a confusing and simply outright incorrect statment. Did the guy think that Matt Dillon was Sean Penn? Was this yet another work of comic genius? I'm going to go ahead and venture a guess that it wasn't.
And then the movie began. I'm not going to bother pointing out everything the guy did here, as this is already getting pretty long, but I'll just list some of his more repeated offenses:
1. SAYING LINES FROM THE BOOK AS THEY'RE BEING SAID IN THE MOVIE. Okay, you read the book. Great. But you know what? I paid my money to hear trained actors say the lines, not you. If I wanted to hear some guy repeat lines from the book, I'd go start a conversation with my friends. And I hate doing that.
2. BEING INEXCUSABLY LOUD. It's fine to laugh at a funny movie. In fact, it's encouraged. But, Christ man, do you have no control over the volume of your voice? This has clearly gone beyond genuine amusement to some kind of pronouncement of your approval to everyone else in the theater. Well, allow me to be the first to say thank you for your approval, sir! Without your help I would never know whether or not I should enjoy this movie! I have this problem at every other film I go see! THANK YOU!
3. CLAPPING. Not only would the guy laugh like a braying donkey, he would also clap at the end of every guffaw. Here's a note to anyone who claps at a film: the director, actors and other makers of the movie are in almost every case not there to hear it. Just making sure you knew that. If you feel the urge to clap, perhaps you should save that energy for writing them a laudatory letter in the quiet comfort of your own home.
4. OTHER PRONOUNCEMENTS OF APPROVAL. Following up your laughing and clapping with a "YES!" or a "GREAT!" or, worst of all, "I LOVE IT" is beyond pointless. We know you like the movie! Why won't you let anyone else enjoy it? You hate us! You hate us all!
5. THE AUDIBLE "AWWWW." This goes more for the girls than anyone. Again, it adds nothing. Also, this was The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, not Love Story. So lay off.
I've pretty much run out of steam here, but I'd just like to say that on top of all this, the guys in front of me repeated everything they saw and heard as soon as it happened, as if to prove that they had the same abilities as the sound effects guy/special effects creatures of the films and were hoping to be cast in a sequel. "Look!" they were saying, "I can make the same sound as that CGI crab!"
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go punch something.
What I actually am posting this to talk about, though, is the other people in the theater on the particular night I went to see the film. Specifically, the groups of people that sat directly behind me and directly in front of me, which I have collectively dubbed "Autism Local 178."
First and most rage-inducingly, I'll discuss the group at my back, which consisted of one dude and something like six girls who I can only imagine were handcuffed to the dude or had been kidnapped or in some other manner had been forcibly coerced into spending time with this guy. If these girls were with this man voluntarily, then I have little hope left for the opposite sex or, frankly, the state of all humanity.
These people's first offense came as soon as they walked into the theater, about ten seconds into a trailer for the animated film Madagascar, a suitably inoffensive, but similarly generic and wholly unfunny affair with a haphazardly thrown together celebrity voice cast. In all seriousness, they laughed at everything in the trailer. Every sentence. On top of that, they were audibly excited at every mention of a celebrity name as if to say, "A celebrity!?! In a motion picture!?!?!?! What a wonderful breakthrough in my own personal life!" Incredibly, they were most enthused at the mention of the name "David Schwimmer." After the trailer ended, the dude said (I'll try to represent his voice as best I can with text),"I'M TOTALLY GONNA SEE THAT!" This statement, though much louder, was not entirely unlike my and my friends' own pronouncements of "That looks really good" after a trailer for a horrible-looking movie. Perhaps what I was dealing with here was a true comic genius.
A few minutes later, during the trailer for the remake of Herbie the Love Bug, yet another abomination to film, the guy pronounced after laughing much too hard at a shot of Matt Dillon getting hit in the face with a car hood, "COME SEE MATT DILLON STOP TAKING HIMSELF SO SERIOUSLY!" Everyone around him laughed hysterically, as if this were some biting social commentary. Clearly, no one there actually knew who Matt Dillon was. As far as I can tell, the guy's been in Wild Things and There's Something About Mary and actually been pretty silly in things. I mean, I'm not sticking up for Matt Dillon and I don't really care about those movies, but still, it was a confusing and simply outright incorrect statment. Did the guy think that Matt Dillon was Sean Penn? Was this yet another work of comic genius? I'm going to go ahead and venture a guess that it wasn't.
And then the movie began. I'm not going to bother pointing out everything the guy did here, as this is already getting pretty long, but I'll just list some of his more repeated offenses:
1. SAYING LINES FROM THE BOOK AS THEY'RE BEING SAID IN THE MOVIE. Okay, you read the book. Great. But you know what? I paid my money to hear trained actors say the lines, not you. If I wanted to hear some guy repeat lines from the book, I'd go start a conversation with my friends. And I hate doing that.
2. BEING INEXCUSABLY LOUD. It's fine to laugh at a funny movie. In fact, it's encouraged. But, Christ man, do you have no control over the volume of your voice? This has clearly gone beyond genuine amusement to some kind of pronouncement of your approval to everyone else in the theater. Well, allow me to be the first to say thank you for your approval, sir! Without your help I would never know whether or not I should enjoy this movie! I have this problem at every other film I go see! THANK YOU!
3. CLAPPING. Not only would the guy laugh like a braying donkey, he would also clap at the end of every guffaw. Here's a note to anyone who claps at a film: the director, actors and other makers of the movie are in almost every case not there to hear it. Just making sure you knew that. If you feel the urge to clap, perhaps you should save that energy for writing them a laudatory letter in the quiet comfort of your own home.
4. OTHER PRONOUNCEMENTS OF APPROVAL. Following up your laughing and clapping with a "YES!" or a "GREAT!" or, worst of all, "I LOVE IT" is beyond pointless. We know you like the movie! Why won't you let anyone else enjoy it? You hate us! You hate us all!
5. THE AUDIBLE "AWWWW." This goes more for the girls than anyone. Again, it adds nothing. Also, this was The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, not Love Story. So lay off.
I've pretty much run out of steam here, but I'd just like to say that on top of all this, the guys in front of me repeated everything they saw and heard as soon as it happened, as if to prove that they had the same abilities as the sound effects guy/special effects creatures of the films and were hoping to be cast in a sequel. "Look!" they were saying, "I can make the same sound as that CGI crab!"
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go punch something.
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