Things Vegetarians Don't Eat Part IICHEESEBURGERS
I suppose this is pretty much the prototypical thing that vegetarians don't eat, given that it's a big piece of ground cow with a piece of curdled cow's milk on top of it, placed on bread. However, I like these things. I mean, you slap some Heinz on that sucker and it's mighty tasty. Thing about the vegetarian aspect of cheeseburgers now is, they're trying to cheat. I thought that someone who didn't eat meat didn't want to eat anything that TASTED like meat either. Yet, there now exists this whole veggie-burger craze that's just so...odd. I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT! Anyway, them burgers is tasty. Plus 5 bullets.
BOWLING SHOES
I gotta give it to the vegetarians here. See, the vegetarians of the world realize that there is a limited number of bowling shoes that exist. And we have to preserve those shoes. Else, what would we use to get that neat sliding feeling when we're getting ready to sling the ol' 14-pounder down the lane? Cooking oil on the bottom of our Reeboks? I think not. Without bowling shoes, friends, we would have no bowling. And then what would there be to entertain us? I daresay nothing at all. Thank you, vegetarians. THANK YOU. Minus 7 bullets.
JEWISH GREETING CARDS
While I'm certainly no proponent of greeting card consumption in general, the Jewish kind, I have to say are quite a culinary delight. If you sprkinle a little oregano on the "Happy Yom Kippur!" and grind some fresh pepper onto the "Mazel Tov!" then there's definitely a flavor that you can't get elsewhere. Perhaps the vegetarians should give this one another look. Plus 4 bullets.
CHRIST
Actually, I don't know if I can really categorize this one as something that vegetarians don't eat. I mean, if a vegetarian is Catholic, I suppose he or she eats Christ every time there's a mass, right? Transubstantiation, man. Which makes me wonder: If a vegetarian Catholic is eating Christ, does that mean that they're not really vegetarian after all? Or are they one of those weird vegetarians that eats like, fish, eggs, and Christ? In the end though, I think they can let this one slide. Plus 9 bullets.
COMMAS
I don't know if you can tell by reading the stuff on the ol' MW page here, but I love commas. I use them all the time, or every time I can, sometimes, even, if they're, not necessary,. So I can understand why vegetarians wouldn't want to eat them and in fact, commend them for it. I mean, if vegetarians ate all the commas, we wouldn't be able to offset independent clauses or list things. So, you know, it's, good. Minus, 3 bul,lets.
AMBIVALENCE
Of all the emotional states, ambivalence tends to leave the funniest aftertaste in your mouth. Granted, there's nothing like a big bowl of apathy or exuberance to get your day started, but ambivalence just ends up giving you indigestion. Plus, I don't know if anyone's said anything to you about it, but I heard that this one guy was at a Burger King a couple weeks ago and got an Ambivi-grill with cheese and got seriously sick, man. You gotta keep away from that stuff. Minus 8 bullets.
Thus, this bunch of things vegetarians don't eat gets a whopping no bullets. So, I guess you can go eat whatever. As for me, I think I'm gonna chow down on this website for a while. MW's Mailbag, here I come!
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