El Hombre Del CrossoSubject: A religious experience.
Dear MW,
Last night, Jesus came into my room and told me I should send you an email. Then, with a wave of his sombrero, he rode away on his burro. Whether he's the real Jesus or not, I didn't think it wise to disobey him... the dude broke into my apartment AND his burro scratched my hardwood floor!
Sincerely,
Sending a Bill to the Pearly Gates
Dear Sending,
Here at the popular syndicated newspaper column "Dear MW," we're the first to admit that we don't have all the answers. But we know people who do. So, to answer your question we have brought in Jesus/hardwood flooring expert Juan Cardillo, who drives a 1995 Ford Taurus, which should be a pretty accurate indication of what being a Jesus/hardwood flooring expert pays these days.
Hello, Sending. You'll notice that my font is infiintely more suavely Latin than MW's. This is no coincidence. In reference to your problem concerning Christ's burro scratching your hardwood floor, I would recommend a good rub-down of the floor with a quality polish. None of that Olde English stuff! (That's for drinkin' later.) Put on a little varnish and you'll be set. As to the authenticity of the sombrero-clad man you believed to be the savior of mankind, my guess is that you actually did not encounter American Jesus, but his Latin American counterpart, El Hombre del Crosso. Don't worry, there's not much of a difference. The only real difference is that El Hombre has to a lot more to say about why and how children can be so poor. Concerning El Hombre's request that you email MW, well, you got me there. Nobody else does, and with good reason.
Hope that helps, Sending. And Juan, I hate you.
From: Lisa Mann
Subject:
Marc sent this to me:
http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4103&n=3
^^ it reminds me of your website
-Lisa
PS: my dad has a food dehydrator, he uses it to make beef jerky (re: The
Horror of Jamster)
PPS: feel free to use this email in the mailbag, but I don't think it's very
funny.
Oh, what did The Onion ever do that was so great? Except for their insightful satire, well-written articles and good movie and music reviews, have they really done all that much, really? I mean, I could write an Onion headline right now. "Cinnabon Goes to Defcon 5." There. Okay, I've actually had that one for a while. Okay, so I'd actually give several of my fingers to write for the Onion. (In addition, that article is pretty good.)
PS: I wasn't making fun of him, I was making fun of the people who buy Jamster wallpapers and food dehydrators. Covered that up pretty well. Oh, I shouldn't have typed that. Crap.
PPS: Well, I did! So there!
From: Megan Stueck
Subject: IMDB game
Came across your website and spent 30 minutes trying to find a high
score for the IMDB game! Got one that ties and one that gets 9... I
swear, everything goes back to the Godfather!
Next Stop Wonderland
The Inkwell
The Virgin Suicides
American Beauty
Cidade de Deus
The Godfather Trilogy: 1901-1980
The Godfather: Part II
The Godfather Trilogy: 1901-1980
The Big Sleep
Out of the Past
The Maltese Falcon
Kiss Me Deadly
Chinatown
L.A. Confidential
The Godfather Trilogy: 1901-1980
The Godfather: Part II
The Godfather Trilogy: 1901-1980
Thanks!
Meg
I can't begin to tell you how comforting it is that, two years after the fact, the bulk of the mail I get still concerns a game I didn't even come up with.
Anyway, despite my bitterness, these are very nice progressions, Meg. I particularly like the fact that both of them end with The Godfather, which, by my estimation, is the be-all and end-all of movies.
Hey, does anybody think that the IMDB people would like or even help promote the IMDB game? If anybody thinks so, let me know. I know that this isn't a very funny email response, but honestly, I was pretty much tapped out after that first one. I mean, "El Hombre del Crosso." That's hard work.
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